Student: People breakup. But sometimes they get drunken and called them again.
Teacher: Have you ever done that?
Student: No. I never ever... maybe I don't remember.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
He Got Fat
Student: When I saw my friend in Kyoto I was disappointed. He got.. the opposite of skinny.
Pumping Iron
(Talking about his plans to get in shape)
Male Student 22: I'll make six pack. I will wear tight clothes.
Male Student 22: I'll make six pack. I will wear tight clothes.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Beckham is a ladies man
(Talking about the world cup)
Student: Donovan is a very good player. He is on the Galaxy.
Teacher: Yes, with David Beckham.
Student: (Smiles) All women like Beckham. They feel sexy to him.
Student: Donovan is a very good player. He is on the Galaxy.
Teacher: Yes, with David Beckham.
Student: (Smiles) All women like Beckham. They feel sexy to him.
California Party School
Student: I am going to Santa Barbara
Teacher: What do you know about Santa Barbara.
Student: Bitches?
Teacher: yes... and they have beaches too
Teacher: What do you know about Santa Barbara.
Student: Bitches?
Teacher: yes... and they have beaches too
TV for all ages
Teacher: What TV shows do you watch?
55 year old male student: Sometimes I watch American tv dramas.
Teacher: Which ones?
55 year old male student: Do you know Hannah Montana?
55 year old male student: Sometimes I watch American tv dramas.
Teacher: Which ones?
55 year old male student: Do you know Hannah Montana?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Americans Are Fat
(The class was discussing food and increased portion size)
Student #1: American food is faggy.
Teacher: Wait, what?
Student #1: American food is very faggy, lots of butter.
Teacher: Oh, fatty!
Student #2: In America, cheeseburgers are American size, and American size people are large.
Student #3: Most American people are much shorter and bigger. You are thin. It is very strangee
Teacher: ....
Student #1: American food is faggy.
Teacher: Wait, what?
Student #1: American food is very faggy, lots of butter.
Teacher: Oh, fatty!
Student #2: In America, cheeseburgers are American size, and American size people are large.
Student #3: Most American people are much shorter and bigger. You are thin. It is very strangee
Teacher: ....
Advice For A Single Guy
(Same male teacher, over the course of a week)
Student #1: Ah when you are in China ask the guide where to find a massage. Foot massage costs 20,000. But for 100,000 your guide will find you a woman that will make it easy for you to sleep.
Student #2: Ah massage is very cheap in China. They will rub your feet then sleep with you. It is very fun. You would like China.
Student #3: You need a Korean girlfriend. You will enjoy Korea a lot more than now.
Student #4: I've been married to my wife for 10 years. You need a girlfriend because then you can get laid. Do you know what laid means? I found out what it means. It's great.
Student #1: Ah when you are in China ask the guide where to find a massage. Foot massage costs 20,000. But for 100,000 your guide will find you a woman that will make it easy for you to sleep.
Student #2: Ah massage is very cheap in China. They will rub your feet then sleep with you. It is very fun. You would like China.
Student #3: You need a Korean girlfriend. You will enjoy Korea a lot more than now.
Student #4: I've been married to my wife for 10 years. You need a girlfriend because then you can get laid. Do you know what laid means? I found out what it means. It's great.
Friday, June 18, 2010
You Know Me Too Well
Teacher: Hello, how are you?
Student: (Surprised) Oh! You look so pretty today!
Teacher: Oh, thank you.
Student: I think it is because it is Friday.
Teacher: Yep.
Student: (Surprised) Oh! You look so pretty today!
Teacher: Oh, thank you.
Student: I think it is because it is Friday.
Teacher: Yep.
Sexy Actors
Female Student: Have you seen Spartacus?
Teacher: No.
Female Student: It's so good. The men are... ? um... handsome and six pack?
Teacher: Hot?
Female Student: Aw, yeah!
(After explaining the meaning of "adult content")
Teacher: Rome is a good show, but it had adult content.
Student: Oh, thats good!
Teacher: No.
Female Student: It's so good. The men are... ? um... handsome and six pack?
Teacher: Hot?
Female Student: Aw, yeah!
(After explaining the meaning of "adult content")
Teacher: Rome is a good show, but it had adult content.
Student: Oh, thats good!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Boyfriends
Female Student #1: Do you have boyfriend?
Female Teacher: No.
Female Student #1: (suspiciously) Why not?
Female Student #2: Do you have boyfriend?
Female Teacher: No.
Female Student #2: I think you should have boyfriend. It's better.
Female Teacher: No.
Female Student #1: (suspiciously) Why not?
Female Student #2: Do you have boyfriend?
Female Teacher: No.
Female Student #2: I think you should have boyfriend. It's better.
Outfits
Teacher: (points at student's Phuket t-shirt) Oh, have you been to Thailand?
Student: No.
Teacher: Where did you get your shirt?
Student: I have no say in what I wear. My wife say to wear this clothing at this time.
Student: No.
Teacher: Where did you get your shirt?
Student: I have no say in what I wear. My wife say to wear this clothing at this time.
World Cup
Student #1: A player from China said that the Greece-Korea game was not impressive.
Teacher: I think they're just bitter. It was a good game.
Student #1: I don't care, they are loser.
Student #2: You have beer and chicken when you watch the game.
Teacher: What about pizza?
Student #2: Pizza is inappropriate.
Teacher: I think they're just bitter. It was a good game.
Student #1: I don't care, they are loser.
Student #2: You have beer and chicken when you watch the game.
Teacher: What about pizza?
Student #2: Pizza is inappropriate.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
It Makes Me Wanna Puke
Student: I am done with my exams.
Teacher: Oh, congratulations.
Student: Ugh. But now I have to focus on interviews.. (pulls out interview sheet and looks at it) I feel like vomitting.
Teacher: Oh, congratulations.
Student: Ugh. But now I have to focus on interviews.. (pulls out interview sheet and looks at it) I feel like vomitting.
Convos with the Doctor
Student (37, Doctor): It is a very impotent matter
Female Teacher: imPORtant
Student: impotent
Feamle Teacher: No, im-POR-tant.. (chuckles) You don't want to say impotent
Student: Why?
Female Teacher: Well, impotent means something else.
(Same student, next class)
Student: I was at a study group and I was reading and I said "important"
Female Teacher: Oh, really?
Student: Yes, I said "important"
Feamle Teacher: Ok
Student: I said "important" instead of "impotent" because you told me to. The other people said it was wrong.
Female Teacher: uh... well, you're supposed to say "important"
Student: They said that is wrong
Female Teacher: Well, then you should say the other way
Female Teacher: imPORtant
Student: impotent
Feamle Teacher: No, im-POR-tant.. (chuckles) You don't want to say impotent
Student: Why?
Female Teacher: Well, impotent means something else.
(Same student, next class)
Student: I was at a study group and I was reading and I said "important"
Female Teacher: Oh, really?
Student: Yes, I said "important"
Feamle Teacher: Ok
Student: I said "important" instead of "impotent" because you told me to. The other people said it was wrong.
Female Teacher: uh... well, you're supposed to say "important"
Student: They said that is wrong
Female Teacher: Well, then you should say the other way
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The Best Conversation Ever
Student: My friend lied to me, so we kicked him out of our group.
Teacher: Your group?
Student: Yes, we are the DKs
Teacher: So... you're in a gang?...
Student:No, no, no, not a gang! A friendship group!
Teacher: Sounds like a gang
Student: No, we don't fight or steal or murder!
Same Student. next class
(background: Student went on a date with a girl who apparently had a boyfriend, Student learned this when some guy came up to their coffee table and grabbed his shirt)
Student: So i grabbed his (pointing at collar/neck area)...
Teacher: His neck or his collar?
Student: His neck... If he wants to fight me... I kill him
Teacher: umm...
(10 minutes later)
Student: I don't want you to think i'm a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy
Teacher: Your group?
Student: Yes, we are the DKs
Teacher: So... you're in a gang?...
Student:No, no, no, not a gang! A friendship group!
Teacher: Sounds like a gang
Student: No, we don't fight or steal or murder!
Same Student. next class
(background: Student went on a date with a girl who apparently had a boyfriend, Student learned this when some guy came up to their coffee table and grabbed his shirt)
Student: So i grabbed his (pointing at collar/neck area)...
Teacher: His neck or his collar?
Student: His neck... If he wants to fight me... I kill him
Teacher: umm...
(10 minutes later)
Student: I don't want you to think i'm a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy
Compliment?
Student: What happened? (points at mosquito bites all over teacher's arm)
Teahcer: I got attacked by mosquitos.
Student: I think your blood is sweet to them.
Student: have you ever been to a noray bang (karaoke place)
Female Teacher: uh... i don't like them, i can't sing. at all.
Student: i think.. pretty western women cannot sing
Middle School Male Student: Teacher, nice body!
Male Teacher: ....
Teahcer: I got attacked by mosquitos.
Student: I think your blood is sweet to them.
Student: have you ever been to a noray bang (karaoke place)
Female Teacher: uh... i don't like them, i can't sing. at all.
Student: i think.. pretty western women cannot sing
Middle School Male Student: Teacher, nice body!
Male Teacher: ....
Word of the Day: RISK
(A lesson on "Taking Risks", the student had to answer if they were a risk taker or not)
Student: What about you? Are you... a risk taker?
Teacher: No, I'm the opposite. I think about things a lot before I do them.
Student: It means you're not challenger!
Student: What about you? Are you... a risk taker?
Teacher: No, I'm the opposite. I think about things a lot before I do them.
Student: It means you're not challenger!
Don't Want to be an American Idiot
Teacher: What do you do?
Student: I work for a resort. We have many resorts in Korea, and one in Saipan.
Teacher: Saipan?
Student: Yes, Saipan is beautiful island near Guam.
Teacher: Is it Korean soil?
Student: What?
Teacher: Does Saipan belong to Korea?
Student: It is belonged to the US! You no know that?!
Student: I work for a resort. We have many resorts in Korea, and one in Saipan.
Teacher: Saipan?
Student: Yes, Saipan is beautiful island near Guam.
Teacher: Is it Korean soil?
Student: What?
Teacher: Does Saipan belong to Korea?
Student: It is belonged to the US! You no know that?!
Trashy TV
Student: What is that show... two people that fight each other. What kind of show like that.. (shakes head disapprovingly) If I watch that show, they always fight speaking... using bad words.
Teacher: Jerry Springer?
Student: Yes! American people want to watch that show?
Teacher: Well SOME people like that show.. (avoids eye contact)
Teacher: Jerry Springer?
Student: Yes! American people want to watch that show?
Teacher: Well SOME people like that show.. (avoids eye contact)
Monday, June 14, 2010
Don't Sugarcoat it Dad
Student: I watched the game with my family, my son loves Park JiSung
Teacher: Does your son play soccer?
Student: No. He doesn't like exercise, so he is too fat!
Teacher: Does your son play soccer?
Student: No. He doesn't like exercise, so he is too fat!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Cheaters
Teacher: What would you do if your girlfriend was cheating on you?
Student: Punch the face.
Teacher (concerned voice) Which face?
Student: Punch the face.
Teacher (concerned voice) Which face?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Life as a Grad Student
Student: (talking about his previous professor) and then I joined graduate school... and then I was slave.
There is no "Z" in the Korean alphabet
Student: What is your favorite place in Seoul?
Teahcer: I like Children's Park
Student: Which one?
Teacher: Oh, there are more than one? Um.. the one with the fountain, and the botanical garden-
Student: The Children's Park with the Jew!
Teacher: Yes, the one with the Zoo.
Teahcer: I like Children's Park
Student: Which one?
Teacher: Oh, there are more than one? Um.. the one with the fountain, and the botanical garden-
Student: The Children's Park with the Jew!
Teacher: Yes, the one with the Zoo.
All Before 8am
Senior male student: (talking about new office equipment) We got the new virgins in the office today.
Teacher: VERSION, ver-SION
(Reading a scenario from the book about two characters)
Senior male student: In this lesson George and Semen-
Teacher: Simon!
Teacher: VERSION, ver-SION
(Reading a scenario from the book about two characters)
Senior male student: In this lesson George and Semen-
Teacher: Simon!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Celebrities
Student #1: You look like that one celebrity. The one with the face.
Student #2, male, middle aged, married with a kid: I want to see that movie with Pierce Brosnan.. I like him (lowers voice to a whisper) I like... I love Pierce Brosnan
Student #3: What is that? (Points at wedding invitation on the wall)
Female teacher: It's my friend's wedding invitation. She's getting married soon.
Student #3: Are any of your friends divorced?
Female teacher: I know one person my age that's divorced.
Student #3: (Shocked) She is like celebrity.... Britney!
Student #2, male, middle aged, married with a kid: I want to see that movie with Pierce Brosnan.. I like him (lowers voice to a whisper) I like... I love Pierce Brosnan
Student #3: What is that? (Points at wedding invitation on the wall)
Female teacher: It's my friend's wedding invitation. She's getting married soon.
Student #3: Are any of your friends divorced?
Female teacher: I know one person my age that's divorced.
Student #3: (Shocked) She is like celebrity.... Britney!
all pirates are homosexuals
Teacher #1: Who would win a fight between a pirate and a ninja?
Student #1: (thinks for a while) The ninja!
Teacher #1: Why?
Student #1: because the pirate would be busy flying the plane.
Teacher #2: If you could be a pirate or a ninja for one day, which one would you be?
Student #2: Not a ninja! Ninjas are from Japan.
Teacher #2: oh. okay. so you would be a pirate?
Student #2: Pirates hurt people. They are wild and like men. Not women.
Teacher #2: Pirates like men?
Student #2: They like men. Other men like women. Pirates like men. But I would not be a ninja.
Student #1: (thinks for a while) The ninja!
Teacher #1: Why?
Student #1: because the pirate would be busy flying the plane.
Teacher #2: If you could be a pirate or a ninja for one day, which one would you be?
Student #2: Not a ninja! Ninjas are from Japan.
Teacher #2: oh. okay. so you would be a pirate?
Student #2: Pirates hurt people. They are wild and like men. Not women.
Teacher #2: Pirates like men?
Student #2: They like men. Other men like women. Pirates like men. But I would not be a ninja.
Food Insight
(My student talked about how much he loved popcorn for ten minutes, he said he only went to movies so he could eat popcorn because he loves it so much)
student: In my case... I am a popcorn killer
me: what's a popcorn killer
student: I eat all of it. My wife and I went to a movie. I wanted a large, but she told me to get a medium. It was so much smaller! It was gone in ten minute!
me: oh, did your wife east some too?
student: No! She tried. I said... you chose hotdog, I chose popcorn. You cannot touch my popcorn!
student #2: I need to stay away from junk food. Like hamburgers and cock.
me: uh... you mean COKE
(student #3 had pneunomnia for a week and couldn't eat or drink anything)
student #3: when I got better. The first thing I wanted was... not water. Not Korean food. Hamburger!... Cheeseburger!
me: After you left the ER?
student #3: The ER... if you go to the ER, you get another disease! So don't go there.
student: In my case... I am a popcorn killer
me: what's a popcorn killer
student: I eat all of it. My wife and I went to a movie. I wanted a large, but she told me to get a medium. It was so much smaller! It was gone in ten minute!
me: oh, did your wife east some too?
student: No! She tried. I said... you chose hotdog, I chose popcorn. You cannot touch my popcorn!
student #2: I need to stay away from junk food. Like hamburgers and cock.
me: uh... you mean COKE
(student #3 had pneunomnia for a week and couldn't eat or drink anything)
student #3: when I got better. The first thing I wanted was... not water. Not Korean food. Hamburger!... Cheeseburger!
me: After you left the ER?
student #3: The ER... if you go to the ER, you get another disease! So don't go there.
Welcome to Stuff My Student Says!
I'm an English teacher working in Seoul, South Korea. Over the past six months I have spent about eight hours a day teaching English conversation to adults and it has provided endless amounts entertainment for me. In Korea, people are bold and can be shockingly honest about how they feel, in a way that most westerners are too inhibited to dare say out loud. This site is going to be devoted to the quirky, funny, blatant, and sometimes questionable things that my students say to me. I've accumulated quite an extensive collection of funny things my students say to me, my friends think they are pretty funny and maybe you will too.
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